Feeling Discouraged

Today I'm feeling discouraged because I haven't been able to get excited about this cycle. I was excited up until O day and ever since then I've just been feeling like I'm out before the race has even started.

It's hard to tell if it's better to be discouraged from the get go, or if it's better to get your hopes up and be let down at 10dpo, or CD1. They both suck, but I guess in the end it's less painful to think it was never going to happen from the start. I just hate living my life this way. I want to be hopeful that maybe just maybe I could get pregnant this month.

Why can't I take the fact that I have painfully sore boobs this cycle (more so than any other cycle) and run with it! That could be an early pregnancy symptom. It should be giving me hope, right? Well it's not. I'm trying to ignore "symptoms" now more than I ever have before. I absolutely loathe the Pregnancy Monitor on FF. It's just part of the game. I don't want to play the game anymore.