Ugh. It's Back

The dreaded spotting, that is. It showed up yesterday morning. And it was literally just a spot. All day long. I considered not even marking it on my chart but I did because I figure it will be important someday. Then there was nothing today. Zip, zero, zilch. What's up with that?

My normal pattern is very light spotting in the mornings and almost nothing in the afternoons - I have NO idea why this is, but i think it's weird - actually I think the whole spotting situation is weird, but it's even more weird that it's only in the morning for the first few days. Ok, so anyway, light spotting in the mornings for the first 2-3 days then normally it's pretty consistent spotting all day for the next 2-3 days. It's still pretty light, but it's there.

You can imagine how my day was yesterday. I wasn't sad. I was just pissed. I can't even tell you why I was pissed because there is NO way in my mind that I didn't think this was coming. It's been happening for the last 7 months so why would it just magically go away now!? On to cycle 7.

Also, I got my progesterone results back and they were at 8.08 at 8dpo. My doctor emailed me and said this is a "very normal" level and is consistent with ovulation. I just need to point out that I already know I ovulated. I wasn't concerned about that. That's not why I was getting my progesterone levels tested in the first place. I want need to know why I'm spotting and if it's a problem in trying to have a baby. Not to mention, I googled what normal progesterone levels should be and 8 was borderline to low. That doesn't seem "very normal" to me. Dr. B wants me to make a follow up appointment with her to discuss. Blah.

Ok, last complaint and then I'm done. Work sucked today. I mentioned (I think) that we are going through a lot of changes at work and my department just keeps getting crushed with things no one else wants to do. It's not in our job description, we never did any of this before, there are other departments that actually do this work, yet my manager has a problem telling people no, so we get stuck with it when people ask.

Here's to hoping that CD1 comes and goes quickly and that the rest of this week flies by. I'm ready for the weekend!

Feeling Discouraged

Today I'm feeling discouraged because I haven't been able to get excited about this cycle. I was excited up until O day and ever since then I've just been feeling like I'm out before the race has even started.

It's hard to tell if it's better to be discouraged from the get go, or if it's better to get your hopes up and be let down at 10dpo, or CD1. They both suck, but I guess in the end it's less painful to think it was never going to happen from the start. I just hate living my life this way. I want to be hopeful that maybe just maybe I could get pregnant this month.

Why can't I take the fact that I have painfully sore boobs this cycle (more so than any other cycle) and run with it! That could be an early pregnancy symptom. It should be giving me hope, right? Well it's not. I'm trying to ignore "symptoms" now more than I ever have before. I absolutely loathe the Pregnancy Monitor on FF. It's just part of the game. I don't want to play the game anymore.

Love of My Life

I don't have much to share today.

Just this.

Perfection.

Happy Wednesday :)

Finally! O and Dr B No Longer Being a B

I just need one more high temp to confirm but I think it's safe to say I ovulated on CD22. A little late for me but I had my usual 2 days of positive OPK's followed by a temp spike on Monday morning. Good news! I know a lot of people ovulate later in their cycles but I was starting to get a little worried considering the latest I've ovulated is CD19 in the past.

My doctor emailed me last week and said that my progesterone levels I had drawn on 2/13 were not compatible with ovulation. Duh. I explained to her that I tried to call the office and reschedule but the nurses just weren't havin' it. I asked if she wanted me to come in when my chart says I'm 7dpo and she agreed that this would be a good idea. At least I feel like people are starting to listen to me. I know she sees many many patients a day but I know my body (or at least I know it better than she does) and I'm glad that she's finally listening to what I have to say about my charts. 7dpo will be Sunday so I'll head in on Monday and hopefully have my results the next day so I can schedule a follow up with her if needed.

I don't have many thoughts or feelings about this cycle yet. I am just not sure what to make of it. I want to be hopeful but then I wonder if there's even any point in thinking that I might actually be pregnant this cycle. I'm thinking the one good thing about this cycle is that at the end of it (pregnant or not) it will be March. That means we're finally getting closer to spring and warm weather!

Freaking out a little

I'm blogging from my phone this morning so I hope this doesn't get weird.

I normally get positive OPK's on CD 17 and 18 and ovulate on CD 18 or 19. I'm just kind of stressing out about this a little bit. I know it's very possible that maybe I missed my LH surge,
although I have been testing 3 times a day. I have other signs of ovulation so I am trying to keep that in mind and I think it's helping
a little bit.

Really hoping and praying that today is O day!!

Dear Doctor...

Dear Dr. B,

I thought we were on good terms. I thought you were starting to understand my cycles. So why today when I called your office to tell them that I haven't ovulated -and don't think I should still come in for a 7dpo progesterone draw- did your office staff seem so confused? "Dr. B has very strict orders for you to come in tomorrow. Dr. B says your cycles are 32 days and you need to come in and have your blood drawn tomorrow," they tell me. Are you sure she wants me to come in tomorrow if I haven't even ovulated? I don't think that's going to accomplish much, I tell them.

I'm so disappointed in you, Dr. B. I thought we had something good going! You looked at my charts. You liked them! How did you miscalculate this so horribly? Please rectify.

Sincerely,
Mandy

Clearly I'm having issues with my doctor's office. They want me to come in tomorrow to have my blood drawn per my doctor's work up. They don't seem to understand that having my blood drawn before I ovulate isn't going to do anything. Dr. B would understand, if I could just get in touch with her to tell her this! The nurse told me that if my results come back and indicate that I haven't ovulated I could come back in later in the month and do it again. Great! Just wanted I wanted, to spend 2 of my lunch breaks getting my blood drawn and spending money on another blood draw when I know the first one isn't needed!

Also, I haven't gotten a positive OPK yet. Normally I get them on CD 17 which is today. That makes me nervous and stresses me out. I can't remember if I have a fade in pattern on my OPKs or not. I'm guessing not because I think if I did I would remember. I'm definitely going to be testing a ton in the next few days just because it will make me feel better and I have the OPKs to spare.

My Chart Makes Me Nervous

My chart this cycle is really really making me nervous and I can't quite put my finger on why that is. It may have something to do with 2 really high temps (wine nights)!!! But it's also just a lot more up and down than it normally is.




So I guess I've had more ups and downs on previous charts but these look a lot more drastic than my other pre-o temps.

My FW is coming up and for some reason I'm really nervous that I'm not going to ovulate when I normally do (CD 18 or 19). I am trying not to get too worked up about this because I think this is how I normally feel around this time in my cycle.

We're going to stick with every other day sex since we tried a few months of sex every day and nothing happened. We'll keep doing that until after my chart confirms ovulation. Here's to hoping I O on Valentine's Day! That has to be a sign, right? :)

Still Waiting to O?!

I know I'm only on CD 11 but I feel like time is going by incredibly slow. I think it has something to do with me starting to feel hopeful this cycle (more hopeful than normal.. yikes). That and the fact that I am just really over winter. I want green grass, blue skies, warm weather, and sunshine!

I always thought January was the longest month ever. Now I'm starting to think it's February. I also am wondering if waiting to O is taking this long, how long is the 2WW going to feel.

I also am trying to hone in on why I am feeling more hopeful this cycle than other cycles. I am trying to bring it down a notch or two as I don't want to get too outta control as that will mean a bigger let down on CD 1 (or 10dpo) if when the dreaded spotting returns. 

The other thing I am loving about this cycle... I think my skin is finally starting to calm down a little bit. Probably since September or October I have been getting horrible break outs on my back/jaw area. I don't just mean a little pimple here or there. I am talking painful cystic like acne on both sides of my mouth. Nothing I tried worked to get rid of it even just a little bit. It got to the point where I seriously considered going back on birth control because I felt so self conscious about it.

I started noticing at the end of last cycle it was subsiding a little bit. Right now I have a few smaller pimples in that same area but nothing like the big painful ones that were there before. I also am still dealing with the red marks left over from a few months ago. I bought the Clinique Acne Solutions Post Blemish Formula. I haven't noticed a difference yet, but some of the reviews I read said they didn't notice a difference until after using a full 2 tubes. I just started using the 2nd tube today.

I hope it works. I also think tanning may help but I don't want to get skin cancer just to get rid of some acne spots on my face. So tanning is out.

Sometimes I wonder if the acne and the spotting is my body still regulating after birth control. I wish I knew the answer to this question because I really feel like it would help me relax a little bit.

Today Was Hard...

Not for TTC but for a Monday, and for work, it was hard. I really enjoy my job but January/February are definitely the busiest times of the year for my company. We're also going through a lot of changes at work and some of them are difficult to deal with. I just have to try to roll with the punches. Tomorrow is a new day.

On the TTC front, I am looking forward to this cycle. It's always a struggle not to get my hopes up, but it's already happening this time. I'm really trying hard to ignore the 2 articles I just read on Google that say on average a couple in their 20's timing sex for their fertile window will conceive within 4 months. Google is not all that smart, ya know!

Fingers crossed for cycle 6!