Will I look back at all of these months of trying and realize how each failed attempt was not the "right" cycle for us to conceive? I've been asking myself that a lot lately just to see if it might help cool the sting of a BFN but it's just not happening for me right now. I can't see any reason why any of the previous months were not right for us.
It's so much easier to look at each cycle and think about why this is a great month, or why this should be our month. I guess I'm looking too much into the signs that aren't actually signs in the end.
I thought August could be our month because that would have led to a spring baby - 6 weeks off work in early summer? Sign me up.
September was the same thing, I had planned to have a spring summer baby, so this had to be it.
October signs were there. My due date would have been July 4th, and that's my absolute favorite holiday.
I thought November was IT! because my due date would have been on my mom's birthday.
December was perfect because I would probably have gotten a BFP on Christmas morning.
I ovulated on my birthday in January (weird that I'm taking that as a sign, I know and may that was a sign. I also would have been about 20 weeks at our 1 year anniversary and took that as a sign. Perfect time to find out the sex of our baby... see another sign!
Now I'm looking to reasons why February just has to be it for us. I should ovulate around Valentine's Day. This'll be the best Valentine's Day my husband's ever had. A baby would still be born in November which is plenty of time for me to take maternity leave and be back to work before the shit hits the fan in January. I'll hit the 2nd trimester right around our 1st anniversary so we could somehow incorporate that into however we decide to tell our families.
And now I need to stop. I really am trying not to get my hopes up too high about this cycle, but I also don't feel like I should have to live in a world full of negativity. My husband always says, "just keep telling yourself that it's not going to happen this time. That way when it doesn't you won't be as disappointed and if it does you'll be surprised because you won't be expecting it!" Ok, 1.) I don't want to think that way and it's still going to be disappointing, and b.) I'm going to be surprised no matter what and although I'm not expecting it per say, I do have high hopes each month that this will be it.
I'm with you. Every month, I start to think about why that month will be the best (date connections, etc) and reall, it makes me even more disappointed when I see that BFN. My thought is that once we do get pregnant, all of those other months won't matter anymore. Best of luck!
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