Just Call Me Spotty McSpotterson

This post is dedicated to my spotting woes. I spot for about 5-6 days before my period starts. This happens every. single. cycle. Without fail.

It's been happening since my first real cycle off BC. I thought that I was supposed to be starting my period since it appeared as though my cycles were going to be about 28-29 days after coming off of birth control. When I first noticed the spotting I thought it was implantation bleeding. I mean, why wouldn't it be? It was only our first cycle trying and I had every other pregnancy symptom in the book. So I thought it was implantation bleeding and actually knowing nothing about implantation bleeding I thought it would go away the next day, I'd take a pregnancy test a few days later and be on my merry way. Nope! It came back the next day and the next day. AND THE NEXT DAY! I started to think that something was seriously wrong with me (I thought I was dying, dramatic much?). After 5 days of this nonsense I was over it. My husband came home to me crying (ugly crying) on the couch one day, convinced that something was wrong and we couldn't have kids. I started my period the next day. I was never so relieved to start my period, and so embarrassed of being so dumb in my whole life.

After that cycle I decided that I would not be living in the world of waiting-to-see-what-happens. I immediately started charting and using OPK's. What a relief. So the next cycle, knowing that I've ovulated, enjoying my 2WW, 9dpo rolls around. Bam. Spotting. This time I think maybe, just maybe it could be implantation spotting because Google told me that implantation spotting is most likely to happen at 9dpo. It came back the next day.

Same story for cycle 3 of TTC. This time it started at 10dpo and that's where it's been ever since. I always trick myself into thinking that it's not going to happen yet it always shows up. Right. On. Time. After cycle 3 I emailed my doctor just to let her know it was happening and to see what her thoughts were. She wasn't overly concerned and thought it should go away over time.

I was really excited for cycle 4, this was the cycle of the sex-a-thon. 11 days. In a row. With that much sex, how can you not get pregnant? My test date - according to Fertility Friend - would be December 25th. So excited that I would get my BFP on Christmas morning!! No other gift would ever top this gift, I thought! December 20th started out like any other day. It was a Thursday, we were having our holiday luncheon at work, I felt like I was on top of my game because I'd completed my Christmas shopping already (normally it's not done until 12/24). Then I get to work and realize that my arch nemesis has arrived. I don't know why it got to me so much that cycle. I think I was starting to realize that it wasn't going to go away like my doctor suggested it might. I was really starting to feel like this wasn't normal. I struggled to make it through the work day and just started bawling as soon as I walked into my house. I ugly cried to my husband again. This is not good. He's so supportive and amazing and it's so embarrassing that I can't keep my shit together and just NOT ugly cry in front of him...over this.

So I emailed my doctor again just to let her know it was still going on. I asked if maybe there could be an issue with my progesterone levels (Google. Duh). Dr. B seemed concerned enough over this issue to want me to come in for some testing. She said to come in on CD21 to have my progesterone levels drawn. I mentioned to her that I don't ovulate on CD14 and asked if she wanted me to come in at 7dpo. She said that CD21 would be fine as long as I had ovulated by then. Hmm. So I go get my blood drawn (I'm only 3dpo) and get my results back the next day. 4.08. I make a follow up appointment with Dr. B. She says that my levels are low but they do indicate ovulation. I told her that I was only 3dpo when I had my blood drawn. She looks at my like I have 2 heads. I tell her that I normally ovulate between CD 16-19 and this time it just so happened to be on CD 18. She says, "Oh, no. That's too late. You probably ovulate on CD 14 or 15." I show her my charts. "Oh, you do ovulate later. Ok." So she says she'd like to see my progesterone levels higher but that since we did the testing too early she wants me to come in next cycle at 7dpo (she's trusting my charts now) and re-do it. I left feeling... ok... I was mad at myself for not communicating to her more strongly that I do ovulate later and that I should come in at 7dpo and not CD21. But, what's done is done. I'm relieved that I can get my blood drawn again and that I should have a more definitive answer this cycle. .

Oh, by the way, the spotting started at 10dpo on cycle 5 as well. And I ugly cried again.

So here we are at cycle 6. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting for 7dpo. Waiting for spotting. I feel like I'm already out for this cycle too since my follow up will most likely be after 10 dpo so even if Dr. B did want to do anything about this issue my spotting will have already started. I'm not even going to pretend like it's not going to happen this cycle. I don't want to pretend that maybe this cycle will be different. My body is going to have to prove me wrong.